First Day of Summer

Well Chris and I have been living in LBI for a month now and its been amazing. The weather hasn't been the best but its worked out for us so far so I don't have too many complaints. The only thing I struggle with is trying to be the best person/girlfriend I can be. I know I am hard on Chris and hard on myself sometimes and I don't know how to change. Chris is so confident in us and in himself and I wish I was more like him. I need to get happy and it seems so easy and I have all the reasons in the world to be happy...so what is my problem??? I feel like I say this all the time and go in circles with Chris and I have started the same fights about the same things for the past 3 years and he just wants it all to end, and I don't blame him. How long am I going to stay hung up over the same shit. This three months living together on LBI is probably going to be the best three months of my life and I think I need to realize that and begin enjoying and appreciating it more!

You Don't Know Me At All

Do you think that people really don't know who you are? Or is that they know exactly who you are...you just don't like the side of you they are seeing?

ChAoS!

Everywhere there exists chaos. In nature, in society, in your body during times of stress. I feel like my life is like someone has gone outside on a windy day and thrown a bunch of paper into the air. My mind is scattered over the sky trying to collect my thoughts before they fly away. School, work, home, friends, go, go, go, go, go.....
I have gotten so used to living like this I get anxious just sitting down and relaxing. There is so much that can be done no time for relaxation. I can say that I have grown so much and have become a pro at time management. Few people could handle the work load I am faced with daily. The only hope it is going to pay out in the end. Soon I will know the fate of my future. I never thought this would be my life. I thought by now I would be this successful, independent woman. I want to live up to my potential. Why am I still living home? Still at Kapler's? Not using my degree? When I am going to be the person I am longing to be? When learning life lessons they never tell you how hard it is going to be to start your life. It seems so easy....I guess that's why there are so many people who are miserable...I just hope I don't end up one of them.